Finger numb, eyes rolling, mouth salivating

I’ve spent much of the last week limply scrolling the trackball of my nifty mouse, trying to conquer the number of posts in my feed reader. These are the thrilling things you do when you are, seemingly, the last person in town to have come down with the flu/bronchitis/laryngitis which has been ravishing Melbourne for the last four months.

For the entire week, Google Reader displayed the ominous message “All items (1000+)”. It never changed. I scrolled and scrolled and scrolled, scanning titles frantically until my eyeballs were rotating faster than the trackball. It’s probably a good thing that the Reader doesn’t bother counting higher than one thousand. I would venture a guess that I had over 4000 items waiting to be read. Had I realised that, I might just have blitzed everyone’s words and started afresh. Goddamnit! You people write too much!

Alongside all the foodbloggers from near, far and further are my trusty brainfoods… places like BoingBoing, Freakonomics, ReadWriteWeb, Science-Based Medicine, to name a few.

But you know what? Today, at 23:26, my cramping scroll-finger shivered with joy as the Google Reader showed I had scaled the pile of feedliness. “All items (926)” Sadly, this cannot last without further cramping and maddened eyeball rolling, for those 926 items encompass a mere six days of posts from the various feeds. Six days. People, stop writing so much! 😛

It was lucky I could calm my nerves tonight on a special delivery, courtesy of the J-man of Malvern and, more precisely, the favours of J-man’s jetsetting Mother-V. Late last night I received an SMS: “Make time for me tomorrow. Just ten mins.”

The merchandise was handed over in Bourke Street. A small, nondescript package. Furtive glances. I concealed the tupperware under my jacket and hastened back to the office. I clung my bag tightly to my bosom all the way home. (It was rush-hour, so pretty much the entire train felt like it was clamped tightly to me.)

Air-freighted from Ladurée, Paris. What a way to lift the mood after a week of trackball scrolling and watching bad telly.

Alas, after just 35 mins, Google Reader now shows

10 thoughts on “Finger numb, eyes rolling, mouth salivating”

  1. The last time my reader reached its max (800+) was when I was in the States for 2 weeks. “Just read the latest one of each” was my rule in order to get through that 🙂 Also, I don’t have many non-food feeds, only a handful of design ones, a few personal blogs of friends, and one health-news one. I hope you recover fully soon, Duncan. I’m sure the Parisian macarons powered you up, much like spinach to a pastryfied Popeye 🙂

  2. Ok that’s it – I was *almost* committed but now totally committed to making my first batch on the weekend (or maybe the next). Obviously if I can make a decent macaron the world is my oyster!

  3. Neil, so selfish of you! hehe. Well, your words are fun, so I’ll forgive you this once:P

    Yes, I think the macarons gave me a final boost. But I need more more more… cos the bloody feeds are already over 1000 again! Arg! My problem, you see, is that my brain believes it might miss something if I just nuked a pile of feed-posts. (And there might be a few bloggers who would miss my presence amongst their readership… miracles might happen:P Who knows!)

  4. Oooh, I love the feeling of getting down to nothing in my RSS feeder. It doesn’t happen often nowadays – I’m currently at 800 which isn’t bad for me.

    How were the macarons?

  5. Firstly, get better soon Duncques.

    Secondly, I’ve slowed down my posting a lot lately, so you can thank me.

    Thirdly, how do the macaron’s taste.

    Fourthly, why don’t I have jetsetting friends who bring me macarons from Paris?

    Fifthly (is that a word), if I have heaps of posts unread, I scan them and if something catches my attention, then I read them fully. Otherwise, that will just have to be some information that I miss out on.

  6. Okay, now I feel inadequate! Not only do I not have friends who freight me treats from Paris, but I’ve now realised that I don’t read as many blogs as most people seem to.

    (ahem) At least I have my health though……………..

    (Hope you’re feeling better soon 😉 )

  7. The macarons were deeeeeelicious. Though it was also useful to see some in my own kitchen (for some reason it is harder for me to think about what my own products looks like when I’m stuffing my face far away in Paris).

    Thanh, it still takes bazillions of hours to scan what was probably over 4000 items’ titles and, sometimes, opening paragraphs. I sacrifice my health for knowledge:P Don’t quote me on that though:P

  8. I suffer from the same compulsion. I was hit with the dreaded 1000+ unread items while travelling through the UK – Michael kept telling me to mark ’em all as read, and even threatened to do it himself. I irrationally but fiercely defended those unread posts until I’d at scanned at least the first paragraph of each one. All because I might miss something. Anything.

    Get well soon, Duncan – from your other affliction, not the compulsive reading one. 🙂

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